Best Friends

I had to do this horrible gig the other day at Safeway, which involved passing out 500 coupons in 5 hours. It's as awful as it sounds, yes. Even if 100 people came into Safeway in an hour, I assure you, only about 1 out of that 100 would be considerate enough to just take the coupon!

If I can offer a bit of advice to anyone... if you see someone passing out coupons, just take the coupon! You don't need to chat, or shove it back in their face, or stand in front of them reading it, just take the coupon. You can leave it in your cart, or you can throw it away later, but just take the stupid coupon! Guess what... the coupon hander outer doesn't care if you use it or not, they just have to get rid of their coupons!

This gig lasted for a couple of days, and after the first couple of hours I got a bit testy. One person refused to take the coupon, then looked at me and said, "Do I look stupid enough to take one of those coupons?" I replied, "Do I look stupid enough to care whether you want one or not? If you don't want it, don't take it. I don't care!"

Another lady took it, and then tried to give it back to me my shoving it in my hands without speaking. I ignored her, and she just kept pushing it against me. Finally I said, "Does that mean you don't want the coupon?"

One of the days I was lucky enough to be in a great neighborhood where a homeless man's home was just outside the doors I was located near. I'm no discriminator of persons, and what do I know - maybe he had on his shopping list the very thing that I had a coupon for, so I gave him one! And, the next hour passed very quickly as I learned this man's life story. We will call him, Rufus.

Rufus is a famous painter. Painting is something that you either have, or don't have. It's hereditary. Like being evil. Being evil is something you inherit from your parents. Rufus' paintings are currently hanging in the Smithsonian. The thing is though, Rufus never signed any of his paintings and someone tried to rip him off by painting a look a like and claiming that the famous Rufus painted them - but see, the conartist signed them! So Rufus knew that they weren't his. Rufus brother is not a painter, but he is good with the ladies. The ladies have gotten him into a lot of trouble though, and that is hereditary - being good with the ladies. Rufus' brother has also gotten a lot of diseases from being "good" with the ladies, but Rufus was smarter than that.

Later I saw Rufus waiting in line for the bathroom. Like I said, this Safeway was in a great neighborhood with just one solitary bathroom for the whole store. Rufus was very kind when he saw me in line.

Rufus said, "You gotta pee?"

I replied, "Yeah."

"Oh, go ahead. I can just go outside," Rufus offered.