Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Winter Wonderland

It's cold outside. So all the crazies are maxing out in the various warming shelters located throughout the city. Shelters that my precious tax dollars are paying for.
I'm compassionate, but c'mon! I can't even pay my own heating bill. Maybe I should stay the night in one of those, so I'm taking advantage of my own money!!!

Anyway, so no one is outside causing a ruckus. Sad times.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Quick Response

I had another run in tonight.

I was on my cell phone again when I was interuptted by someone who clearly had something more important to say than what they didn't know I was talking about. It's not really that I'm on my phone all the time, but when I am walking around downtown, alone, in the dark, I always figure it is a good deterrant to all the crazies to know that if they try anything, someone else will be able to hear them, likely someone who cares, and that that someone who cares will likely promptly respond. One could argue that I needn't be concerned about crazies attacking me if I wasn't constantly provoking them, but crazies are unpredictable whether I'm aggravating them or not!

The core problem, the esstential reason that I become so incensed is that people lack age old common sense.

He asks me, "Can I ask you a quick question?"

I turned to face the transient and acknowledged him, "Fine. What is it?"

He says one word, "Indian."

"Uh, yeah... and?"

"Cherokee Tribe Montana."

Slightly put off, I answer, "That's not a question."

He quickly asks, "Oh oh, well then can I ask you a quick question now?"

"Nooooooooo," I yelled annoyed! "You lost your chance!"

Friday, January 11, 2008

Curse America

Walking up to the grocery store the other evening I encountered a beggar soliciting for money. Not a big deal in and of itself, as I write about this all the time. But this one was rather feisty demanding exactly $1.50. I offered him the routine, "No, no, don't have any."

But then, a few blocks further up the street as I was waiting outside he passed by me again and didn't recognize me or wasn't capable of recognizing me, probably the later. Instead of saying, "You already asked me," like I should have - I just offered the staunch response and repeated, "No, no, I don't have any" this time specifically adding, "I don't have any change." To which he affronted in typical impertinence, "Cash would do just fine," attempting a southern accent I suppose he thought would win me over.

After lingering for a few moments in the wake of my silent glare, he moved along to ask three more people for the $1.50. After being denied by all three, he broke into a distempered frenzy, shouting at the top of his lungs, "F*** America!!" repeatedly while running around uncontrollably, and darting in and out of traffic.

As a side note, I found $11 on the lying on the street today. I think it was a blessing because I really need gas for my car. I waited for 10 minutes hoping that the person who dropped it would come looking for it, but I had things to do and couldn't wait all day and felt secure that I had done my part.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Bum Fights

I always thought pan handling meant that you had to do something for money. In San Francisco bums paint themselves silver, hide behind a tree branch, dance on cardboard - something; here they heckle and harass you until you are so tired of them, you finally give them a penny.

This state is the most giving to the homeless too! It's ridiculous! We've installed bathrooms downtown so that the bums have somewhere to urinate when all the stores are closed during the night! Glad to know my tax money is going down the drain!!!!!!

I was talking on my cell phone today, and quite frankly it was an important call. I wasn't listening either, I was talking when I passed by some old bum. He asks, "Do you have a light?" What really aggravates me about this question is that I don't act like I smoke, I don't look like I smoke, and I don't smell like I smoke. That is because I don't!

You smokers are the most pretentious, self absorbed people in the world! You blow your smoke in every one's face, you stand under awnings when it is raining and spread your diseases everywhere so that no other soul can take solace from the rain, you speed up and walk in front of others and blow your smoke behind you, you try and bum cigarettes off everyone because you can't cope without your next fix regardless of who they are or what they are doing, you stand and sit and smoke in clearly labeled no smoking areas and under vents and in doorways with absolutely no consideration for any other people in the world.

You disgust me with your slovenly, puerile, moronic proclivity. You pretend that you are all organic, and herb positive as you fill your lungs with tar and play slave to a tiny paper tube. That you know everything about global warming because you watched an asinine imbecilic movie by an idiot who thinks that a zebra has spots, and that you know everything about what is wrong with health care because some obscenely overweight simpleton paid someone else to pick up a camera (who by the way, got treated for his obsesity in the United States - not Canada). You believe that you are some sort of cool because you smoke for recreation, or weight loss, or because you saw your idol on the Real World sporting a cigarette.

So, don't come up to me asking for a light. You know every 15 minutes you need a cigarette so carry a lighter with you, or steal one like Britney Spears, or find one when you rifle through the trash, or stop at a bloody gas station and pick up a free pack of matches. If you seriously can't figure out how to conjure up some free matches you are as pathetic and pitiful as they get; and frankly it's no wonder you can't hold down a job.

Like I said, I was interrupted in the middle of my conversation because this blockhead thought what he wanted and what he needed was more important than virtually anyone else. He yelled after me as I kept walking, "You could just answer yes or no!"

I answered, "You could not interrupt me."

He answered, "Well, it's rude to not answer me!"

"It's rude to talk to me when I'm on the phone. You don't know me! Don't talk to me like you know me!"

Monday, January 7, 2008

A Man and His Dolls

Our lovely park up the street is home to many delightful persons, pets and children.

It's also easy to hide in this park, maybe if you are doing something you don't want others to see. I just mean there are several small inclines and depressions, maybe you would call them small hills, and while you can't absolutely disappear you can be a little discreet.

One such person was at the park playing with his dolls/stuffed animals. He had a monkey with necklaces and sunglasses on, and a teddy bear with a baseball hat. He also had a bag of goodies for each of his friends with accessories, and lunch.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Unholy Ground

Unbeknown to me, apparently I live in the exact spot in which the dead rise back to life in zombie form.

I came upon this knowledge when a certain spiritual vagrant was standing on my door stoop shouting. My townhouse used to be a breeding ground for the evil. Whomever lived here previously, would decapitate people and use their severed bodies for worship and ritual. Now, we have arrived at the time in which these severed bodies will reclaim their right to their bodies and wreck havoc upon those who mutilated them.

Interestingly, I have heard voices in my apartment when I was alone. Creepy huh? It may have been the TV, or a window open - but I heard them. Also! Several of my pictures have been turned slightly!!! It may be the WWF going on upstairs, but they moved - no doubt about it!