Friday, November 7, 2008

Spread the Wealth

2008 held many firsts for many people. One of my firsts was that I went to a pumpkin patch. It was crazy fun; we saw the Lock Ness Monster and rode a train. The old man ate a hot dog, and when that happens everyone's day is a little better.

The pumpkin I picked out was beautiful. It was a striped and speckled white and orange pumpkin, fat and round, and brought sunshine to my life everyday that I walked out my front door.

Yesterday, I was gone for 13 hours volunteering. When I came back, my pumpkin was gone.
The hobo left one of my pumpkins, a traditional orange one that I love just as much, but they stole my spotted owl. I call it stealing, maybe you call it spreading the wealth around.

Does Barack Obama advocate stealing pumpkins? He advocates volunteering. In fact Barack Obama says he will force everyone to volunteer. He will take away your freedom unless you volunteer; not take away your pumpkins. I volunteered and it's not even inaguration day yet, so why did some bum spread my pumpkins around?

No one stole my pumpkin last year. It was 100 pounds. No one stole it I presume because they physically couldn't.
If they could have, I'm sure they would have.

(Check out those awesome leaves! Oh yeah!)

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Clueless

If you are wondering, the best lottery game currently raving amongst the hobo community is: CLUE. Technically you are paying for those lottery tickets, but hey - you are just spreading the wealth around right?

When we first walked into Albertsons we overheard a conversation between Mr. Cokehead and some little school kid.

Bum: "Don't drop out of school kid,... just trust me, don't."

Free PSA, and the first time I ever trusted a bum!

Shockingly, he got one foot in front of the other with enough prowess to make it from the front doors over to the customer service counter where he purchased two clue lottery tickets for $15 each. I thought he had frosting in his eyes they were so totally glazed over. After his 6 minute transaction, he stepped over to the side, and horded in on the next customers transaction.

Bum: "Really, you oughta get one of these clue tickets."

Customer: "Okay? I think I'm covered."

Bum: "No! You have to!"

Customer: "Alright, I'll take that into consideration."

Bum: "Seriously, they are so awesome! You scratch here and here and then over here, and then this over here (imagine pointing) tells you your winnings and then down here you scratch and you get something extra special. They are definitely worth the money, I always at least break even."

Priceless.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Plausible Deniability

The rumors are true, I'm a poser.

But the suburbs have a couple perks. I can't think of any, but I'm sure there are some; kind of like the new president.