Friday, September 5, 2008

Screaming Rants

"Whooooo hhhheeeea aaaahhhiiiii ddddduuuuuu! Eeeeekkkkkk lllllllaaaaa looooooo ffiiiiii feeeeeee foooooo offffffummmmm! Boooo bbaaaaa bleeeeeee nnnnntttttiiiiiiiii aaaaakkkkkkk wwwwwppppppppsssssssskkk! Buy me a cheeseburger!"

"Shut-up! I ain't buying you a cheeseburger."

"WOMAN! I said get me a cheeseburger!"

"Garble, gruntle." Insert dirty glare. "I SAID, 'I AIN'T BUYING YOU A CHEESEBURGER!"

"Boooo bbaaaaa bleeeeeee nnnnntttttiiiiiiiii aaaaakkkkkkk wwwwwppppppppsssssssskkk! Whooooo hhhheeeea aaaahhhiiiii ddddduuuuuu! Eeeeekkkkkk lllllllaaaaa looooooo ffiiiiii feeeeeee foooooo offffffummmmm! Buy me a CHEESEBURGER you stupid bleep.

Our McDonalds has a walk through. It's like a drive through, but for bums without a car. This night it was for a crazy, bra-less, saggy, toothless bum.

Her petitioner was dancing around in the driveway of the drive through exit. I heard the preceding exchange as I was waiting for my meal. Actually my husbands meal that I was taking to him as I picked him up for work because I refuse to eat at McDonalds (for the record).

The petitioner was performing a dance for me, and I didn't dare honk at him. I didn't dare because he was violently drunk, and my windows were rolled down. I calculated that the amount of time it would take me to get my windows rolled up was not sufficient enough to thwart an attack. Had I rolled my windows up without taunting the decrepit hobo, it would surely have elicited an attack just the same.

In fact, me sitting there; patiently waiting, seemed to taunt him enough. And he certainly didn't appreciate the fact that my dogs were barking at him out the window.

He pattered around there, dancing for an interminable amount of time, jumping off to the side, out of the way, but only to jump right back in front of my car immediately thereafter. Staring at me with his bug eyes, flinging his head forward in my direction and opening his mouth so wide I thought another head would pop out at any moment. It was deeply disturbing and unsettling.

Another bummy was curled up on the patch of soil surrounding the sidewalk tree, while another bummy came walking from around the other side of Mc's.

"What the bleep are you doing? Dancing?" That's how I figured out he was dancing, by the way.

"Shut the bleep up. I'll do what I want."

Then he started screaming, or should I say, resumed screaming.

"Whooooo hhhheeeea aaaahhhiiiii ddddduuuuuu! Eeeeekkkkkk lllllllaaaaa looooooo ffiiiiii feeeeeee foooooo offffffummmmm, bleeeeeee nnnnntttttiiiiiiiii. Boooo bbaaaaa bleeeeeee nnnnntttttiiiiiiiii aaaaakkkkkkk wwwwwppppppppsssssssskkk! Whooooo hhhheeeea aaaahhhiiiii ddddduuuuuu! Eeeeekkkkkk lllllllaaaaa looooooo ffiiiiii feeeeeee foooooo offffffummmmm."

But what was shockingly impressive was that he kept up the dancing and flinging of the head, and disturbing opening of the mouth too. I'm always surprised at how limber and coordinated these drunks can be.

Let's conduct a poll. Was it intentional coordination, or freaky uncontrolled spasms? Rock the vote!

1 comment:

melinda said...

unintentional for sure