Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Points of Interest

Even though I found myself immersed in duping (as much as that is possible) a lonely Nigerian scammer, much has been happening in terms of bums, vagrants and downtown happenings. Finally, I'm happy to report.

Today I found myself at the DHS office, and that is a scary place to find oneself.

Let me tell you about a few of the characters I witnessed there; witnessed, not encountered - that would insinuate interaction and although I stole a few glances for purposes of later documentation and reporting, I was careful not to submerge. While I am typically courageous in the face of danger from the local drunk bums, I also am in a position to run away if the situation becomes dire although more often than not that drunk bum is in no position to possess the energy or life force to raise even the tiniest finger, and this is why today I stole only the most furtive glances: The truth is now written for the world, like most others, I only taunt those who lack the prowess to taunt, or impose bodily harm in retribution.

And finally * will stand for any number of expletives - insert your pick, you won't be wrong.

Upon arrival the first "lady", corn rolls surrounding the skull and a head full of braids cascading down her back, likely integrated with a weave, was screaming at everyone in there who ain't got no * sense! And she was old, with no bra (you are welcome for the visual). She just wanted * someone to * tell her * someones * number! And if * someone don't * tell her, she's going to * put a bullet through their * head just like she * did to that other * and she ain't been * caught because * no one saw * nothing!

The next guy had corn rolls too. In fact, everyone there had corn rolls. He had a big fat gap in his front teeth, and he was a short guy. But I'll let him tell you about that. He has been in solitary confinement for 8 * years and on * death row during that * time too! Most states won't * put a dwarf on * death row because they are a * dwarf - yeah he's only * 4' * 8", but not this * place. He's been on death row for 10 * years. They let him out for * 15 minutes in the yards, before they * put him back in that black * hole. It's * the pits! They let him * shower but * guys got scabies and * and he * don't want that! So, he refused to * shower for 11 * years! And he's a * dwarf - that's * right!

Then the dwarf, and a * white * girl, got in a pissing contest. The white * girl, while pretending to act like a social worker, thought the * dwarf was asking her a question, but the dwarf was talking to another * white girl, and the other * white girl needed to calm the * down! The other white girl was not having that though, and she demanded he calm the * down! Also, it's not fair for the rich people to have access to all the * bathrooms. Them people needed * bathrooms too! Sometimes it just ain't fit to piss on the street!

Then some * got on the phone and needed to call his * . He is about to come into some * money. A couple * hundred dollars, and he really needs that * money. He's going to sell Beckham's * LA jersey on * eBay or something. It's going to be * awesome. He was also talking about * something else, but he couldn't talk about it there because there were * people listening. But, since he's been out of * jail he's actually got a * bed, and his own * shower! A * shower, man!

I'm going to be honest. I couldn't get out of there fast enough!