Where Am I?

For many, many years - too long in fact - I worked at the mall. At the time, I remember thinking that the mall was pretty nice. I remember enjoying going there, spending lunch in the food court, I think I even spent some of my days off there. For a while, we even lived across the street. Unless my judgement was grossly miscalculated, this mall has taken a drastic turn for the worse.

Today as I was walking through the mall on my way to the bathroom I walked past a gaggle of girls behaving mischievously.

One of them looked directly at me and shouted, "Don't look at me like that," as she cocked her head side to side.

My eyes darted back and forth and I turned to scan my surroundings. "What?" I almost mustered. Luckily I witnessed the girl behind me giving Miss Thang the evil eye before I mustered a syllable and found myself in the middle of an altercation.

A few moments later I found myself in the bathroom. Whether it was the same group of girls, or a different group remains to be determined, but I overheard this conversation:

"My friend was in here once, and she was jus sitting there doin' her thing, mindin' her bizness when..."

"Yeaaa?" the other girl encouraged.

"Whack!"

"She gots smacked on the toliet?"

"That's right! She was just there, on the toliet, when some *$#&@ smacked her on the head!"

"Dammmmn, how?" her friend inquired. (I too wondered how this occurred...)

"The $%^@& came over the top of the stall. I guess she pissed them off or sumthing, because right then as she was peeing they thuomped her across the face."

"That is crazy! I hope that don't happen none to me."

Well sister, me too, I hope that don't happen none to me.