Concert in the Park

If you haven't got a chance to check out Ebony and Ivory's holiday concert - do so ASAP!

You will know you have found them when you are downtown, in front of Pederson's, Nordstrom, or the Living Room. Ebony will be perched upon his 'city bug' scooter, dressed all in black. Ivory will be sporting his silver puffy jacket, declaring that he "still has 53 pairs of earrings to sell!" upon his milk crate.

Usually Ivory will have main control of the disc man pumping out the digitized background music, but there is no clear star of the show! Both men share lead vocals, devoid of emotion or rhythm for that matter.

Enjoy, and be sure to post your own review!

Presidents of the USA

The Presidents always put on a good show, particularly when at the best small venue in the city, and last night's show did not disappoint; despite their new smoking agenda.

This is the thing about downtown - people think because they either are, or pretend to be crazy they can get away with virtually anything they want to. That, or they are just plain stupid - which is high to extremely probable.

I made my way to the front of the crowd during the show, but during the mosh pit portion of "Kitty" I was shoved to the 2nd row. As I remained there in the 2nd row, shoved around by the mosh pit behind me and thereby inadvertently shoving everyone else around me, this pathetic loser next to me says: "Not going to happen."

I deduced that this was his first concert for multiple reasons:

1. He thought I was the solitary person in a group of 600 people shoving him, solitarily.

2. He protected his position in the 2nd row with one hand clutching the railing in front of the first row, his other hand wrapped around the large man in front of him and because the poor boy was only about 5'4" he couldn't see a thing above or around his boyfriend, but obviously believed that he had the best position in the entire venue. Not to mention the fact that he was enjoying butt hugging the man in front of him.

A few moments later I felt a hand on my butt. Typical - when everyone is shoving, but then I felt the hand creeping down. I whipped around the see this fat bozo standing behind me looking creepy, ugly and disgusting. I said, as I elbowed his collarbone, "Don't touch me." He looked eerily guilty as he shrugged his shoulders.

Nearing the end of the concert, I decided to head back to find my cohorts and on my way back I happened to pass right by the groper. As I was still pretty heated, I turned towards him and shoved him hard, enough that he fell to the ground.

I should have followed up with a swift kick to the groin, but I never think of the best things to do and say until after the fact - something I need to promptly improve upon!

This Blog Should Be Titled: Adventures & Mishaps With My Dog

Now that I have recovered from my accident, I feel up to retelling my McDonald's story. Also, I should confess a small misrepresentation about my accident blog: Although I did have many scrapes and bruises on both my knees and elbows - it wasn't exactly "nearly to the bone"...

Now: For purposes of clarification, because I don't neglect my doggie - on another occasion that I had my little doggie with me walking home from work, I needed to stop by McDonalds to drop off a movie we rented at the RedBox. (This is starting to sound like a pay per post, but unfortunately my bank account is not benefiting from me writing about my mishaps - and I need money desperately (I don't want money, I need money!)) Anyway, Redbox is relatively simple - You hit return DVD, slip your DVD into the slot and leave. A feat easily accomplished in less then 10 seconds - a short enough amount of time that my obedient little doggie is able to sit still for.

I had not stepped into the store more than a foot before a McDonalds Servant began shouting at me: "Get Your Dog Out of Here! NO DOGS, NO DOGS!"

The last thing I said calmly was, "I'm just returning a DVD."

"I don't care, NO DOGS!"

"And what exactly am I supposed to do with him?"

"I don't care - tie him up outside!"

"I'm not tying him up out there with all those bums - he'll get stolen! I'll only be a few seconds!"

"No you won't - Get your dog out of here right now!"

At this point one of the other customers came up and offered to watch my dog outside while I returned my DVD. I wish instead that I had thrown the DVD at him, but as I mentioned my lack of money I didn't want to be charged $25 for the DVD! So, I allowed the nice man to take my doggie outside while I returned the DVD.

Because I regretted my decision not to throw the DVD at him, I came home and wrote a letter to the McDonalds franchise and to McDonalds Corporation highlighting the events of the evening emphasizing their supposed commitment to the community, yet lack of basic manners to their customers. This is what we call a paradox.

A few days later I got a call from the McDonalds store offering me and my family free dinner - whatever we wanted, and we could bring our dog so that he could dine with us. Check back tomorrow and I'll scan a picture of our lovely evening at the McDonalds restaurant.

My Doggie Gets Me Into A Lot of Trouble!

I would love to blog the story about my fight with the manager of McDonald's but I am still writhing in pain from my bike accident due to a pathetic, asinine, incorrigible, ruthless, unintelligent fool who has a tail that he hides between his legs from the shame of living a worthless, loathsome, meaningless, abhorrent, revolting existence.

Currently, both my thighs are black and blue, the left one is worse. I must have fallen and slid primarily on my left side although since I blacked out, I don't entirely remember the entire incident.

Maybe tomorrow... check back. I'll probably have a great story because I'm going to a sports game at the local University and I'll be cheering for the away team!

A World Class Piece of Crap

I may have a concussion, so if this doesn't make complete sense, you will know why. To preface: All the expletives in the world can not express my absolute outrage over the events of the past few hours.

I was riding my bike today with my dog. He does great on a bike. He knows not to run in front or behind the bike, but to stay next to me running at the same speed. And, he loves it. He gets to run and run and run. We made it within a block of our destination. I was in the street of a two lane busy street and he was up on the sidewalk.

Everything was fine - until a big dog came out of the parking lot we were riding/running past. My dog got a little nervous, and I tried to keep him running, but it was too late. He stopped. Of course, if he stops and I'm holding his leash, I stop!

I flew into traffic! It was nothing short of a miracle that no cars were driving past as I flew from my bike next to the sidewalk, past one lane of traffic into the far left lane and slid about 6 feet. Through my denim jacket with sheepskin lining, and a long sleeve sweater both my arms were scratched nearly to the bone, my knees also. My cell phone flew with me and the front screen broke.

Sure, it was an accident. Bicyclists get into accidents all the time, particularly when you are holding a leash and a small dog is trailing you. But, there exist leash laws for a reason - and this is one of them. On the other hand, I allow my dog off a leash at times too, but I also watch him and my surroundings at all times - and if my dog causes a problem, an accident or a potential car pileup, I don't scurry away with my tail between my legs.

I was a bit disorientated after my fall. I saw the bright lights of the 8 cars stopped because I was lying in the middle of the road. I heard my dog whining and felt him licking my face nudging me up. And out of the corner of my eye, I saw a man hiding against the building next to the parking lot, and softly calling: "Parker" which I can only assume was the name of his huge gi-normous black dog that caused the accident in the first place!

I got up, assured those stopped in their cars I was OK, pulled my bike up onto the sidewalk, and saw the jackass skimping off. I started walking after him yelling, "Hey! Hey!" He kept going, not even turning around. "I know you can hear me - STOP!"

He turned around the corner, but I was just behind him. I turned around the corner and he was gone. There was no where he could have been, I looked around for a minute, and not seeing him I decided to give it up. I turned back around and started heading towards my bike - but I was too infuriated. I started back in his direction again, and there he was coming out of the bushes! I started running after him; he also started running - away from me! I kept yelling, "Hey! Hey! Hey!" He turned another corner. When I rounded the corner, again he was gone. I looked behind the bushes but I didn't see him anywhere.

There were several apartments here, and there was a chance he entered one, although I was sure he was just hiding again. What a world class piece of trash! I was so infuriated and I couldn't stomach chasing after this pathetic loser anymore! I screamed loud enough for the whole block to hear: "Come out here you stupid, worthless coward!" No sight of him... "You freaking pathetic excuse for a human being - I can't believe you! I hope you sleep at night knowing you left me in the middle of the road!" And just for good measure, "Put your freaking dog on a leash!"