School Spirit

I'm walking around downtown the other day sporting my college shirt, not necessarily because I have so much school spirit - I mean the letters are cracking and the sleeves are bleached, but because it fits and it was on the floor near me I decided to wear it.

So, I'm minding my own business, of course, as usual, and a rather large man starting walking towards me. Not towards me in the sense, that he's on the sidewalk walking the opposite direction - but towards me, in front of me; looming...

He's wearing mustard yellow cut-off's - not traditional cut-off's i.e. mid leg, straight edge - but mid thigh, decoratively cut triangle style.

Then, in a high pitch, valley high school girl accent he shouts, "Goood-uh colleeeeeeeeege-uh! Yes!" and pumps his fist into the air.

Not an hour later, a couple of guys starting yelling at me: "Go Vikings!" I just ignore them, for one because I don't encourage hobo's or strangers, and two I don't have school spirit - which they picked up on, because they continued chanting: "Vikings! Vikings! Vikings! What? You don't got no school spirit?"

Then today! I had another large man approach me, and shout in my face (yes, I'm wearing the shirt again, okay...!) "Gooooooo Vikings!"

Favors

So, I was just telling my old man the other day how curious I was at the lack of recent interaction with hobo's has been in terms of them harassing me rudely while I was talking on the phone.

Well, no need to fret any longer.

I took my dogs to the park this week to enjoy the sunshine, and as soon as we entered the leashless area, another dog ran up to greet them. They played for a moment, while a sidelined hobo gave commentary.

"Beebel bum...." he murmured.

What I asked? My first mistake; rule #1: Never engage! I should have known better!

"It's a circus!" he repeated.

I rolled my eyes, and gave that type of smile that's really more like an upside down frown and began walking away. Meanwhile, I'm on the phone. Actually, I'm just on hold but I'm the only one privy to this tiny detail.

He snarks me before I'm too far ahead of him and says, "Can I ask you a favor?"

See, a favor indicates give and take followed up with another give back - but when a hobo is involved it denigrates into simply a give. So what he should have said was, "Can I hit you up for something free?"

I rolled my eyes again, and vocalized my most perturbed annoyed voice, "I'm ON theee phhoneeuh!!!"

Stop Signs

The Artistic Liberation Front is sweeping through my neighborhood. This is evidenced by the spray paint across the street on the billboard stating: "Artisic Liberation Front" with a small image of a french man.

The liberation has traveled within the surrounding several city blocks in my neighborhood and offered a artistic flair to the local street signs.

(Stop) "eating animals"

(Stop) "buying things"

(Parking) "you are wasting"

(Parking) "breathe deep and no smiling

(Stop) "now is all you have"

(Parking) "when life gives you lemons, you turn that poop gold"

(Parking) "less hippies, more crime"

Grow Up!

When I was a little girl and everyone was telling me, "You can be anything you want when you grow up!" I proclaimed that I wanted to be a butterfly! It never occur ed to me that this wasn't a probable answer to the projected offer.

But now that I'm older and Obama is running for president I'm wondering if maybe I can become that butterfly!

I passed an older woman on the street today. Well dressed, blonde hair, mid 60's with a pink button on her lapel of Obama's face, and red hearts fluttering around him. Obama says, "Vote For Hope!" Is that the hope that we'll have another Cuban Missile Crisis when he meets with world terrorist leaders without preconditions? Or is it hope that I can be a butterfly?

When he says, "They're just words," does that mean I can actually become a butterfly if I hope hard enough!? Or does he mean that I can't become a butterfly because hope is just a word? Or does he have no idea what he's talking about?

Spare jeans

Truly, we must have one of the best park systems in all of the happy United States of America. One of such parks we were visiting yesterday during the sunshiny weather; enjoying the breeze, drinking water, and reading.

Consequently, from all the water drinking I hopped up to visit the convenient restroom located at the entrance to the park. As this restroom was no more than a glorified outhouse I certainly wasn't taking my time when someone tried to open my door - fortunately it was locked. They moved on to the next one.

Not a second later another person came by and tried to open my door. When they found it was locked, they hurriedly tried the next one. When they found that one locked as well, I heard a woman exclaim, "What the *$%#!" much angrier than I would have expected someone to be upon finding a public restroom unavailable. (Maybe she had diarrhea?) A man answered her by asking, "What? Are they locked?" I presume she nodded because he continued, "Try knocking."

A version of that ensued, much closer to what I would describe as loudly banging on the door and I answered annoyed, "Just a minute!" In all I had only been in there a few seconds as it was; wait your turn jeez!

A moment later the restroom next to the one I occupied opened up, and I heard someone rush in. As I mentioned before, being that these restrooms were no more than a glorified outhouse, the person next to me didn't waste any time taking care of business. A different kind of business though; the dirty disgusting sex kind.

If I wasn't hurrying before, you can bet I scurried out of there fast as possible! I ran back to my blanket thoroughly scarred, tainted, horrified, furious, and many more expressive expletives to explain to my husband and get a good look at the mucky filthy tyrants coming out of the bathroom. To my additional horror I saw a family walk just by the bathroom, and a mother and daughter enter the bathroom I had just exited! I gasped and grabbed my mouth in horror.

They too exited immediately.

A few minutes later, the dirty woman exited the bathroom briskly walking back towards the parking lot alone and hopped in the back of a radio taxi cab. Within seconds, the dirty man followed her and took his seat in the drivers seat!!! Dirty cabbie picking up prostitutes on a slow work day!

A few minutes later he popped his trunk, got back out of the car, grabbed his SPARE JEANS from the trunk and proceeded to change his pants in broad daylight. He had on baby blue boxer shorts.

Guess he couldn't go home to the wife with the mark of the devil on spilled allll over his pants!!